The day can start with one range of feeling and then descend or ascend into a whole other stratosphere of possibility or localized angst. It is so often that I find myself full of wisdom for a loved one or even a stranger but when I turn the searchlight inward all I see is fog and haze. This blog is turning into such the balance of expression and meditation.
It is said that perspective is everything. So much of spiritual ascension is the ability to apply that perspective at any given moment, especially in the heat of moments that tend to trigger past patterns or reaction-ism. But I have found it hard to strike the balance between trusting myself to be in the moment acting honestly and authentically to what lies before me and taking a moment to evaluate and temper my response making sure it isn’t ego or fear based. And let’s be honest, it is not really socially acceptable to reply to someone’s comment or question by taking a real full moment to go inward to one’s lily pad or sacred space to find the truth in what we feel.
So what? I guess the answer is found in working to lessen the gap between the time it takes to hear (truly hear) the words of the other and acknowledge the pure resonance within. We are mirrors for one another, reflections. And this journey of purification and clearing can be a service, and offering; it is not a selfish act to take this time. It is my belief that in that cleaning of myself, of my mirror, I am then allowing the other to see their perfection more clearly. And so maybe I am quiet more, or for longer before I come back with my answer, or even my banter. And then so maybe at first glance I’m not acknowledged as the smartest or the fastest in the room (ooooh my ego would HATE that!). We are rewarded for being quick, witty, funny. And it is true that often the best response is the one that is unheeded by too much thought. Its true that our instincts are tied to our hearts and our guts, our sensitivity and our power. But I’m not talking about thinking more, what I am talking about has to do with feeling more with that heart, those guts, and feeling whatever it is, more deeply. What I am talking about requires the bravery, the vulnerability that comes with not knowing and being seen in that state, until what is known, what is embedded in the knowledge of the soul comes out through the playfulness and offering of the spirit. And wouldn’t that be a nice kind of conversation to have?
Most of the frontal cortex is devoted to inhibitory neurons, probably for good reasons related to natural selection! Our tendency to stifle and second guess ourselves is rooted in biology but nevertheless thoroughly frustrating. Mind evolved without language and the connection between the two is relatively recent. Articulating our thoughts so that we can become conscious of them and "think about our feelings" is a bit like holding two mirrors together causing an infinite set of reflections. Cutting the Gordion Knot of self consciousness is perhaps the job of the silent hemisphere that "feels" and dreams rather than rationalises. Perhaps allowing this suppressed inner child half of our brain freedom to "speak" wordlessly to our consciousness is how some artists and athletes and orators are able to be "in the zone" and able to allow the brain to articulate creative desires without getting in its own way. Then again .......
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