Let GO!

Let go and let God.

Huh?

How exactly?

When I am sitting across from a good friend all fired up about something that has me enraged and I pause long enough for them to squeeze in the immortal words: “Maybe you should just let it go” I throw up my inner spiritual spikes and frustrate myself into oblivion. I know they’re right. I know that stewing and satiating that critic, that judge, that tormenter, that worry wart, that fearful child will only magnify the issue at hand. There are instances I recall when detaching from a situation was indeed the only remedy. There are others however that required some serious powers of discernment in order to understand what exactly had me rattled so that I could establish clearer boundaries. The line between the two can be so thin; I don’t wish to indulge petulance but I am always and forever seeking to understand my experience more fully. Judgement is discernment’s wicked step-sister....

But when it comes to: “Just letting go”, how exactly is one to achieve this immortal feat? Letting go of the general stress of the day can be solved with a bath, a cup of tea, or some moments of silence. But letting go of the stress of particularly pointy past pain? Anyone out there have an olympic swimming pool sized claw foot tub filled with fine first rate tea in a padded sound proof bathroom? Do we really need ritual to release? Therapy? Shamans? Month long silent retreats? That last one would probably create a whole new world of pain for yours truly...

I lit some fire works tonight. And as they sparked and spun and nearly scarred my hands for life I didn’t pray for change or attach significance or symbols to each one. I just watched them dance and laughed and dove into the grass as cars passed by, afraid I’d get in trouble. There was fun, there was living, there was willingness; there was space, presentness and even a tiny touch of inner freedom... and if God would like to take that as a cue to swoop in and help a sister out with some energetic vacuuming that’d be great.

If not, I’m open to letting go, to release, to unravelling, to learning all this. I am willing. But I’m not quite sure how it will happen. So if I’m praying for anything, its that the how will swoop in and take me by surprise. I am ready for the teacher to appear.