I’ve read a lot on ‘positive thinking’, on ‘choosing the thoughts you think’ and on ‘controlling the extent to which you react emotionally to a given situation’. And although I like to think of myself as somewhat educated and well practiced on these subjects, lets be honest: sometimes we just feel crappy. And we know we are being silly, we know we are the lucky ones: healthy bodies, opportunities, safe environments, but still the pile of mental anguish we need to conquer seems insurmountable.
Maybe I’m getting my period…. Or MAYBE I’m reacting to what the always-fantastical news headlines are calling: Blue Monday, the most statistically depressing day of the year. WHAT!? How do they come up with this shit?! How do you measure something like that? I’d like to know… because I think they might be right! That must be one helluva survey…
I have been on the phone today with more bureaucratic institutions than anyone should ever have to interact with in a lifetime. The line at the post office was 10 people long (I didn’t know 10 people lived in this sleepy little town!). Apparently they don’t sell envelopes in quantities of less than 50 (I’m just trying to send a few letters, not OPEN A POST OFFICE OF MY OWN!). I am in the middle of doing two year’s worth of taxes. I just booked an appointment to get a tetanus shot (my arm hurts just thinking about it). I am currently unemployed and have taken to recycling cans as a source of income (incase you were wondering, it is very smelly and not very lucrative). I am 5,000 kilometers away from the man I love and we are 6-9 months and 5-7 thousands dollars away from legally being allowed to wake up next to each other. Yeah. I’d call that a Blue Monday.
PS. But I swear to god I am really grateful to be alive. No, seriously. I am. Deep down. Deep, deep, deep, deep down under the layers of it's-January-and-I-want-to-puke-on-myself-and-lie-in-it feelings.
PPS. Too much?
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